I finally got one of those gratitude challenges on Facebook. For a while, I was relieved not to have gotten one (or an ice bucket challenge), but then I started wondering whether it wasn’t actually a sign that all my “friends” secretly think I’m an awful human being. I am willing to accept that as the price of being a somewhat awful human being, but still. One wishes to fit in.
Coming up with things to be grateful for won’t be a problem. It’s coming up with things to be grateful for that won’t inadvertently offend someone else that’s the problem. That and figuring out if there is anyone else out there left who hasn’t already done one of these challenges. I may have to skip that part.
(Pause to read the whole of Facebook in search of unchallenged friends.)
Recent social media quiz thingies suggest that I am a mere 47% psychopath, not at all a sociopath, and most like Hades (if I were to be a Disney villain, which is the only way I’d really want admission to the Disney pantheon except as a character on Phinneas and Ferb or Gravity Falls). I am kind of disappointed about the sociopath thing, but since they’re good at feigning normalcy it stands to reason.
This morning I woke up at 430 and could not get back to sleep. I was sorely tempted to play Ms. Pac-Man but I made myself work out, make coffee for myself and Dino Spouse, and pursue gainful activities online instead. Poor Dino Spouse! His beloved Verismo instant espresso doodad exploded on Monday and now he is reduced to drinking mere cafe au lait instead of his favored latte. He really loved that machine. Every time I am tempted to jone on his bougie tastes, I remind myself that the most cherished material gift my husband has ever given me is my beloved electric pencil sharpener. We all have our fetish objects.
Speaking of fetish objects, my idea of gainful activity this morning (other than the grocery order, that is) is blogging. Every morning I find articles online (about work or depression or the Left or which Disney Villain I am) and set them aside in hopes that I will find time to write about them and thereby expand my lands. Every evening I close the open browser windows* with a sigh. Venting about being depressed helped me perk up a little. I love having a personal diary for those moments when I need to just break sh*t, but writing for an audience satisfies me creatively. I mean, I spent hours yesterday studying the Code of Federal Regulations for waivers to solve a bureaucratic problem. It spoke to me, people. Its structure was illuminated like that of some awesome geometric proof. I really need a creative outlet. The last thing you need In Ur Takses is me hallucinating and raving about the Federal Travel Regulations from atop a (by DC standards) high-rise. Bureaucrates stylites, y’all.
No one comments on my blog except for the pingbacks I get in linking to my own posts, spambots, and this one nice young person in India, whom I wish success in developing the dream web app that will break down my grocery lists and tell me which things to buy at which local stores to maximize my cost savings each week. But I see that I have followers. Hi, followers! I have added a new page just for you!
Thanks to the latest Internet quiz, I can now state with greater precision than ever the extent of my true malevolence: to wit, I am 26% Evil. That sounds fairly accurate to me. I only have one Facebook friend who got a higher Evil percentage than mine, but one is better than none in this context. I would console myself that maybe I’m just being more honest than other people in my peer group, but that sounds alarmingly self-righteous. And if one is to be 74% Not Evil, one could do worse than to avoid self-righteousness.
Mouse returned from two weeks of sleep-away camp completely in love with the order and relative autonomy of camp life and with horses. Once again, I marvel that so spectacularly normal-seeming a child should have come from me. She was only home for a couple of days before being whisked off to Camp Protosaur for a couple of weeks with my parents and younger brother.
The last few days at work have been rougher than usual. I got some psychological relief from going with Dino Spouse, TeenBot, and his bestie* to see the latest “Purge” movie tonight when I got home. It was better than the first one. Podrostok is out with friends tonight, hence his absence.
* TeenBot’s best friend is a delightful tomboy his age who has been his boon companion all summer. She’s taught him and Mouse both to skateboard.
It’s time for Dinosaur Mom and Bureaucrates to merge and unite as Salary Mom!